Discover more from Breaking the Cycle by Marissa Hackett
Dear Mom,
Today marks seven years without your body to hug on Earth. I miss your warm hugs. I miss your rough hands and big laugh. I miss your love of music and dancing. I miss how you stayed in touch with every family member, no matter what. I miss your sadness. I miss your sassiness. I miss getting up early and going thrifting with you. I miss our morning phone calls no matter where I was living.
Mom, shortly after your death, I was paralyzed with grief. There were days I couldn't get out of bed because I missed you so much. Luckily, I found a fantastic grief support group in Bozeman, Montana, that changed my life and relationship with grief and healing. I will forever be grateful for that random group of beautiful people who shared their stories of suffering that made the rest of us feel less alone.
Now that some time has passed, I still think about you every day and try to imagine what life would be like with you in it. We'd be talking a lot about my sweet nephew Landon playing on his first soccer team and my beautiful niece Anysiah graduating from high school. We'd also excitedly talk about celebrating Uncle Sidney and Auntie Karan's 50th wedding anniversary with some family this weekend.
You wouldn't believe it, but I've been pregnant twice since you passed away. I know you always wished I would be a mom, but understood I was waiting for the right person and time, if I ever decided to be a mom at all. I still can't believe you gave birth 6 times!
Aaron and I had two miracle pregnancies in our 40's! Both pregnancies were ectopic & life-threatening. During both emergency surgeries, they had to remove a fallopian tube. These experiences happened in May of 2022 and May 2023. After my losses, Dad told me about one of your miscarriages in LA that sounded incredibly scary and dangerous. I wonder why you never told me about that experience.
Don't worry, Mom, I'm doing OK and taking lots of time to heal. But things have been challenging and sad. Aaron and I are so lucky and grateful to have a busy summer filled with doing what we love and seeing people we love. My healing has also been centered around having Doula Dannah in my life. Her love, wisdom, and support have been instrumental in my journey. Mom, you'd love Dannah's approach to childbirth and loss.
I also had the opportunity to record two podcast conversions before taking some time to heal. I'm grateful for spaces to tell my truth. Mom, we had a lot of vastly different beliefs, but you always taught me to speak up and out for what I believe in.
Stories for Action with Lara Tomov
My conversation with Lara is a love letter to my life in Montana. A place I always wished you were well enough to travel to, as you would have loved it there. The community work I did in Livingston and Park County changed my life. Lara is a brilliant storyteller, and I was honored to share space and time with her.
Link to my episode: Stories for Action Uplifting community & connection through story: Marissa Hackett
Link to episode via Instagram (with photos!)
"I think telling stories and uplifting stories and honoring them, are what we have to shift us into a more humane direction in our society.
Stories for Action "Stories for Action's mission is to share the human connection around a thriving environment and strong communities. Join us for conversations with people taking bold steps, bridging divides, and creating calls to action; helping you find your role in fostering a healthy world.
This Stories for Action episode would not have happened without the generous support of my friend Katie Weaver’s river guide company, Meadowlark Guide Co. I’ve been on an overnight river trip with Katie (and her mom!), and it was one of the most magical experiences of my life.
Mom, I also recorded another conversation with Rachel Bernstein via the IndoctriNation podcast. I love Rachel and appreciate and respect her work tremendously. It's a bonus episode where I share more stories about my life while attending Brighton Academy and being involved with the Foundation. I talk about how Dad vehemently opposed me calling the Foundation a cult and how we had to repair our relationship after I started speaking publicly about my experiences. As you know, I was grounded in knowing I grew up in a cult. You rejected the term as well. BONUS EPISODE PREVIEW: Post-Cult Reconciliation w/ Marissa Hackett
May you continue to rest in peace, sweet mother, also known as Pamela Morrison Hackett.💜
Thank you for being here.